thismumstudies… and daydreams about having some child free study time…

Meme showing baby hand with study books

Yesterday for a split second I dreamt of having an hour to myself at my desk.

This magical hour would mean I could finish the complicated task for my assignment. It would mean quiet time. Time to order my thoughts. Time to work out the question. Time to apply my knowledge.

It would mean my hands could be at the keyboard and my eyes could be focussed on the screen.

Insert sound of LP being ripped from record player

The GIRL baby pooed about 10 minutes ago. I heard it. I allowed myself the “we’ll just give you five minutes to see if you’ve finished” excuse.

“Can I have an apple?” comes the cry from Mini Cooper 1. “I want one too” chimes in Mini Cooper 2. Requests noted I continue with the task at hand. Trying to unravel a question about JavaScript. Not the answer, just the question. It would appear I need a degree in computer science to even understand what they asking me to do.

I am faced with a list of tasks to carry out in JavaScript. There’s no explanation as to whether I should be coding something in particular or something useful. I just have to evidence each individual task on this list. The list is a full side of A4. The list seems to grow each time I look at it. I need to discipline myself. I need to focus on just one task and complete it before moving on to the next. Easier said than done.

The GIRL baby is bending so far forward she is now sat with her forehead touching the floor and her legs as wide apart as they can go. She isn’t moaning. She needs changing. The boys need apples.

“Can I have a drink”
“I want apple juice”

Mental note: Boys need food and drink, GIRL baby needs changing…still.

I daren’t look up from the screen. I am researching why a method isn’t a function… oh, but I could use that bit of information for the global variable example. Ok… bookmark that. Return to methods and functions.

Mental note: Did I pay for the school panto tickets? When is the school panto?  Boys need food and drink. Check The GIRL Baby poo situation.

Can’t get to grips with methods and functions. What’s that? Returning functions… yes, I need to do that as well. I will type that in and then…Me and Mini Cooper 3 start again

Why is my foot wet? GIRL baby is sucking my foot. I sweep her into my arms and balance her on my right knee with the laptop on my left.
“I’m hungry”
“Where’s my drink”
The GIRL baby claws at my face and pulls herself up by my shoulder.
“Is dinner ready?
“I want an apple”

With that I glance up at DH and say: “if I just had an hour I could get so much done”.

But as I say it I know that isn’t what I want. Me holed away upstairs, the guilt rising through my stomach and chest. Being in another part of the house to the rest of the family, shut away from the hustle and bustle may seem a nice idea but is it really what I want? While it may not be very easy to concentrate with the Mini Coopers about, it isn’t impossible.

After all, having them under my feet as I type is the greatest reminder of why we are doing all this in the first place.

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December 7th, 2017 by